4. November 1st... Gone Wrong

Tears flow from my eyes and I hug my knees to keep from screaming. Daddy leaves me alone to "calm down" but I know he left because he is just as devastated as I am and he is going to have to explain to mom. I look up at the ceiling and stomp my feet as I furiously scratch away my tears.

"I wish there was someone or something that could help me! Someone that would listen to me, and feel my pain, but not have to walk away because of their own!" I scream in my thoughts.

 Ziri tries searching the web for someone like that, but I quickly shut her down. I remember reading about someone like that in the old journal Daddy had given me. I jump up, not willing to admit to myself that this is really just a distraction so I don't throw the rock daddy gave me at something. I dash to the empty girl's quarters and run up to my bunk. I scramble to the head and tap the wall to find the handle, my eyes still burn from my inner tsunami. I feel the invisible string, pull and enter the code in the keypad that slides out. The wall at the head of my bed pops slightly and I swing the secret door open. I climb through, but I can't smile at its wondrous contents like usual. Today I just snatch the journal off its shelf and sink down onto the dusty floor. I use my book light to be able to read in the dark room and flip through the mysterious book trying to find that entry. Finally I find the page that has haunted me with envy for eternity.

January 1st, 2020

Today I got home at about four in the morning after a great New Years party! I slept for nine hours until one o'clock. I got some breakfast, then went for a walk. All of those painful memories flooded back as I walked our path. I ended up spending the rest of the day plunked on a stump pouring out my troubles to my heavenly Father. I am so grateful that he only gives answers and doesn't pester me with annoying questions like how I am doing. He KNOWS I am not ok! And it is so comforting...

The entry goes on with her pouring out his words of his greatness and I have to close the book for jealousy that she had a heavenly dad. Why couldn't my dad be heavenly?  I stare down at nothing and my book light burns out, leaving me in darkness. Another hot tear slips down my face as I remember my brother's voice in this room.

'Wow, Kayla! That's quite a collection you have in there! But, sorry, I can't fit through this tiny hole like you can!' Kevin was the only one that could call me small and not stir my anger. I guess that was because he always said it out of love, not malice.

I could go on forever crying myself unconscious, but I notice that the room is now lit up! My heart leaps into my throat as I lurch to slam the opening, but... It is closed! I search around for my book light, but I spot it right were I left it, still dead. Suddenly I realize that it is my pocket that is glowing. I reach down and pull out the wrapped object daddy gave me. It glows a brilliant blue as I unwrapp it and I start to feel calm and happy and-

I drop the rock in horror!

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" I shout then slap a harsh hand over my own mouth. I wait in silence to see if anyone will find me out, but nothing happens. I drop down to my knees and inch toward the strange glowing rock.

It seemed to... speak to me. To tell me not to reveal it... but to keep it hidden. Kayla... It told me... to give it... to you.

Daddy's words ring in my head. I gently scoop up the rock and the happiness comes back. This time, though, I do not stop it. No matter how unwelcome this sudden joy may be I hold on to it.

"I don't want happiness I want to be comforted." I whisper to the rock and suddenly, I feel it! The bland happiness goes away and I feel comforted and soothed from the pain of my lost brother. I smile, for real and wrap the rock up again. The sensation stopped so I plop it into my pocket and feel ready to face my assignment. I scramble out of the hole and lock it back up. I am just turning away when.

"Crying it off?"

I whirl around to see Mr Buxton standing in the doorway. Had he seen me come out? Does he know about Kevin?

"uh... Yeah." I finally say and I know I sound pathetic, but I can't help it. This was NOT the way I wanted to meet Mr. Buxton today.

"Good, Then let's get off to... uh... assignment... uh... I came to tell you to hurry up." and he rushes away.

Mr. Buxton NEVER stammers or hesitates or is confused! NEVER!  He is always so sure, so confident, so.. in control!And why would he single out me? Kids were occasionally late and sometimes missed their assignment and had to be given it in a small private ceremony, but it wasn't very often that it happened. There was no reason for Mr. Buxton to make sure one girl didn't miss the big ceremony.

I stub my toe in the doorway in my confusion and rush off to line up for my assignment. I go to the main plaza, used only for assignment and promotion and outcasting. I gaze in wonder, again, at the room built for this special day. It is a small plaza for the community to come in and be ushered to their places and four glass hallways. One for entering the meeting room were all person decisions are made, like assignments and promotions and outcastings. That was were Kayla was ushered now and other children, soon to be assigned lined up behind her. The next was for grand exits. The newly assigned would come out of the meeting room and proudly show their badges and new assigned clothes.  The third was for the rest of the community to proudly cheer or wag their heads in shame as someone walked down the fourth hallway which was used only for outcastings. When people would break the rules five times, they would have to walk that hall and no one knew where they went. All they knew, was that they never wanted to walk that hall.

The speaker crackled and the voice came through.

"Bobby Richards!" the door opens and he goes in. Everyone waits in suspense as the ZLB and the MCA perform the standard ceremony for him. Then, the doors dramatically open and Bobby comes marching through them, proud and triumphant.

"Bobby Richards, Mechanic!" The speaker crackles again, "Sandra Crawford!"

This goes on and I can see, every time an assigned walks down the hallway, Parents pushing closer to the glass to wave and cheer to them.

"Florence Kertox!" After a few minutes she comes out. Grinning from ear to ear and pointing a me.

Why would she point at me? I wonder I-

"Florence Kertox..." There is an awkward silence that is very rare for the speaker to make. Then he continues with the horifying assignment. "Zermedine Assorted Group!"

"What?" I gasp under my breath, "But Mr Buxton had said-" I know he said 'don't get your hopes up' but he sounded so sure! But the horrible day goes on.

"Rachael Valdon!"

We all wait in suspense and the Valdon Parents push close to the glass. We wait... wait...

Why isn't she coming? we all wonder. Then, I catch a glimpse of her, but she is not in the right hallway at all! Did the usher make a mistake? No, she was staring at her feet as she slowly made her way from one end to the doors at the other end of the hallway... for outcasts!

People must have seen the shock on my face because they started turning around and shoving to get better views of the unbelievable sight. I see the Valdons push through then come back and Mrs. Valdon breaks down.

"Rachael Valdon, Outcast!"

Why is she outcast? I wonder. Even though I didn't like her, she still didn't deserve this! I have no time to gawk because the speaker goes on.

"Kayla Dalery!" I hear my name called and I straighten my shoulders as I step through the doors. It is a wondrous room, every inch covered in red. The usher leads me to a marked square on the floor indicating were I am to stand. I stand there and shiver,  I don't even want to think about having to face Florence who got the job I wanted and who will surely let me know how 'wonderful' it is. Instead I brace myself for the blow of a job I will be stuck with for the rest of my life. Little do I know how big that blow will be.